Then Maybe
by Shi-Toyu
Summary: After a minor freak out in the gym, the team finds out some things about Tony's childhood that they'd never known before. Team-centric. FRIENDSHIP. No pairings. Feels all around. Discover some Avengers secrets you never knew, and some you never expected to get out. All secrets are CANON to the Marvel universe, though slightly smudged and the ways of exposing them are not.


A/N: Yeah, so, not the happiest thing I've ever written, but not the saddest, either. It turned out longer than expected, but I guess that's okay. Please enjoy!

Warnings: Child Abuse, non-heavy or overly explicit

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Then Maybe

Clint snorted as Tony was once again pinned during team sparring with Steve. The Avengers had been working together for a while, almost a year and a half, but had only moved into Tony's tower about a month before. Steve had immediately insisted on sparring together so they could build up their teamwork and get a better handle on each of their abilities while improving. Tony, being the only 'human' on the team with no previous training outside of some iffy boxing lessons from Happy, tended to wind up with the short end of the stick more often than not.

The genius groaned as he pulled himself to his feet, accepting Steve's offered hand up and rubbing his back where he'd landed harshly. The Captain's sheepish look clearly said he hadn't meant to throw Tony quite that hard.

"Geez, Rogers. We can't all be as spry at a 20 year old, despite our age. Have a little mercy!"

"Sorry, Tony." And he did look sorry. "My strength kinda got away with me there."

Tony waved the apology off, clearly not bothered and not wanting Steve to be either.

"Hey, no worries. I'll get you back next time when I lay _you_ out on your ass."

Clint let out a bark of laughter as the genius bent to pick up a water bottle from the benches on the side lines. He could just picture Tony trying to flip Steve with some fancy martial arts move he'd seen in a movie and failing horribly.

"Please, Tones, like you could ever live up to _Captain America_."

He knew as soon as the words were out of his mouth that he'd said the wrong thing. Tony's spine stiffened like it'd been turned into a steel rod and he seemed to instantly freeze. His back was turned so Clint couldn't see his face, but judging by Natasha's expression from the other side of the benches, it wasn't a pretty sight. Just as Clint was about to apologize for whatever it was that set Tony off, the genius turned back to him, fake-as-Hell grin plastered across his face.

"Right you are, bird brain. That does remind me, though, that I've got some bullet-proof fabric to work on for Cap's new suit. Genius like this doesn't happen on its own, you know! I'll be in the labs."

Before any of them could stop him, he was across the gym and out the door. Clint just stared after him with a gaping mouth until Natasha walked up and socked him in the arm. Hard.

"You shouldn't have said that."

He rolled his eyes, rubbing his sore arm.

"Yeah, I got that. I just don't know why."

"It appears your joke had more significance to the Man of Iron than we know. There is no way you could have anticipated his reaction, friend Barton."

Steve frowned at Thor's words.

"Perhaps I should go after him, try and talk to him about it?"

"I doubt that will end well." Bruce spoke up, gaze still locked on the door Tony had exited through. "Tony's always been a very private person, especially when it comes to anything involving emotions. I mean, sure, his life is practically plastered across every magazine cover and news outlet, but it's never anything of real consequence to him as a person. Our best bet is just to give him some space."

Natasha nodded.

"I agree. Trying to talk to Tony will only make him feel backed into a corner and he'll close himself off even more. We'll just need to pay attention to what we say in the future. He probably won't tell us what's wrong."

There were murmurings of agreement all around the room and they seemed to come to an unspoken agreement that team sparring was done for the day. As the team separated to get cleaned up, none of them could get the incident with Tony out of their head. Steve in particular found the whole thing perturbing.

Clint's comment had been about _him_. He and Tony had their fair share of problems when the team was first formed and they still butted heads on a regular basis, but Steve had thought they'd made it past the issues that had first plagued them. Perhaps Tony wasn't over them yet? Was he still holding on to the things Steve had said to him back in the beginning? Steve though he'd made his apology clear, but perhaps not…

After cleaning up, the Avengers found themselves each wandering around the communal floor, none of them wanting to be alone at the moment. When Pepper Potts strode in almost three hours after the initial incident, she found Clint, Steve, and Bruce in the living room while Natasha and Thor made snacks in the kitchen. She had a box under one arm that could have been used for business files and she wasted little time in placing it on the coffee table.

"JARVIS called me and told me what happened. I'm afraid it took me a bit longer than I thought to track this down. I had to drive over to the Stark Mansion and pull it out of storage. Honestly, I'm surprised something like this didn't come up sooner."

Natasha leaned against the back of the couch and peered at the box curiously.

"What is it?"

"Just some stuff from Tony's childhood. He told me to get rid of it ages ago but I just couldn't bring myself to. I think they'll help you understand him a bit more and Lord knows he isn't going to tell you himself."

Clint lifted the lid of the box to peek inside as Pepper checked her watch.

"I'm afraid I've got to get going, though. I've already been away from the office long enough. And remember, I had nothing to do with that."

She pointed at the box before turning on her heel and leaving to go back to the Stark Industries floors of the tower. As soon as she was out of the room, all attention turned towards the contents of the box. It seemed to be nothing more than an assortment of kid's junk, though the majority of items were obscured by a threadbare teddy that sat right on top. Clint frowned.

"How is this stuff supposed to help us get to know Tony any better? A bunch of junk from his childhood isn't gonna go us much good."

Natasha shrugged.

"You never know. Even the most ordinary of things can tell you a lot about a person. Besides, Pepper isn't the type to just leave us with something that'd lead us nowhere. We just need to take a closer look."

Bruce reached over the archer's shoulder to pick the bear up from the top of the box and examine it.

"This was clearly well-loved. The fur is almost entirely gone." He peered through his glasses to get a closer look. "These stitches are sloppy, though. Either it had to be fixed a lot or it was hand-made…and not by someone with a lot of sewing skills. Given the lack of a tag and the mismatched eyes, I'm leaning towards the latter."

He flipped the stuffed animal over in search of more clues, running his hands over its surface. He paused when his hands brushed against something under the fabric of its back.

"Hold on, I think there might be a button here…"

The bear seemed to come to life with jerky movements. Its arms closed together in front of itself in what might have been a hug, but one arm was unable to make the full motion. A slightly garbled but decidedly feminine voice came from it as well. "I love you, Tony."

Steve's jaw dropped.

"That's Peggy! Tony knew Peggy?"

He supposed he shouldn't have been too surprised. Howard and Peggy had been two of the original founders of SHIELD, after all. They wouldn't have been likely to lose touch after that kind of experience. He'd just never thought that _Tony_ would have actually grown up with the woman he'd known so many years ago. He was drawn from his shock by JARVIS's voice speaking from above.

"Ms. Carter was considered a good friend of Sir's father and was around the Stark Mansion several times a month. Sir has always considered her to be like a very close Aunt. Both Ms. Carter and Mr. Stane were great impacts on Sir's life as a child."

Clint eyed the toy in Bruce's hands, finding it just the slightest bit creepy.

"So she must be the one that got him that thing."

"I have no records indicating the origins of the bear, however I can trace the voice recording back to a collection copied from a series of tapes Sir made between the ages of 6 and 9."

Bruce was frowning at the bear.

"I think…I think Tony may have made this…"

"What makes you think that?" Natasha asked.

"The tech to make this bear move is too advanced to have been from that long ago, especially considering its still in working order. He would have needed someone to help him with the stitching, but there are very few people who would have been able to make something this advanced and would actually bother putting it into a handmade toy."

"Maybe Howard made it for him?"

Bruce leveled Steve with a pitying look.

"Look, I know Howard was your friend, but a stuffed bear designed to hug him and tell him he's loved? That tells me Tony's home life as a kid probably wasn't that great."

"It's too soon to jump to conclusions. We need more data first."

The red-headed spy reached into the box again, this time pulling out a small notebook with the word 'GENIUS' messily scrawled across the front in Sharpie. She flipped through the pages to see diagrams and sketches of inventions, each accompanied by not-quite-legible notes off to the side. She stopped about a third of the way through and turned the notebook so the others could see.

"Here it is, the designs for the bear. Looks like Tony did make it after all."

Steve's brow furrowed, not liking where that line of thought was leading. Perhaps there would be other designs to offset this evidence of his friend's guilt.

"What else is in there?"

Natasha flipped through the book some more, having to concentrate to make out any of the child's messy scrawl.

"It looks like there's a Water Talkie for underwater communication, crayon holders, a toaster to make grilled cheeses…doesn't he have that down in his lab?"

Clint nodded enthusiastically.

"That thing is _awesome_. He made me one for my bedroom!"

"Why do you need one for your bedroom?"

"Why _wouldn't_ I, Steve? It's a toaster that makes grilled cheese! He added a dispenser on the side for tomato soup! All I have to do it pour it in!"

Bruce's eyebrows had shot up towards his hairline and he was now peering over Natasha's shoulder at the book.

"He came up with all these things before he was even ten? That's unbelievable."

Thor grinned widely and puffed out his chest like he'd just won a competition.

"Friend Stark is truly impressive, is he not?"

Natasha kept flipping through the notebook until she paused at nearly the end.

"Hold on…I think these are plans for JARVIS…"

She handed the book off to Bruce, who'd placed the bear down on the table to receive it. He examined the chicken-scratch notes carefully.

"It's not JARVIS, but it looks like it could be a prototype." He frowned at the page. "He doesn't have any of the science down for it, just some basic parameters. 'Don't ignore me…Be my friend…Listen…'Just how lonely _was_ Tony's childhood?"

Steve's expression had turned pained, but Clint quickly held a small hand-held device aloft from the box.

"I think I found that recorder JARVIS mentioned. Maybe it'll make things a bit more clear."

Bruce frowned at him.

"I think things are pretty clear as they are."

"If by 'clear' you mean 'totally confusing,' then sure. Pepper brought us this box because of Tony's little freak out earlier, right? Well none of what we've seen so far explains his reaction to what I said. I mean, sure, now we know he had a shitty childhood, but not why he reacted so badly to being compared to Cap. Wasn't that kind of the whole point of this?"

Natasha nodded, a small frown tugging her lips downward.

"You're right. We've gotten distracted. Is there a tape in the recorder?"

In response, Clint just pressed the 'play' button on the device's side. After a few moment of clicking a whirring, a child's voice filled the room.

"_Entry Number 397. We've been in the Amazon for just over three months now, exploring the temples of long lost civilizations. All communications have been cut off and the mysterious locals seem to be closing in on us. The men started disappearing after the first month and now it's just me and a handful of my most loyal. I can't be sure if they have abandoned us or if something more dastardly is at work._

"_Despite these troubles, we have pushed forward towards our goal. The Lost Casket of Oompa Loompa will soon be ours! With its fabled powers to cross dimensions, it will make a fine addition to my museum's collection! Oh, no! A predator approaches! We must run!"_

The team couldn't help the smiles that crept across their faces at the sound of young Tony scrambling through a door and crossing a much louder area. Shouts in the background of _"More salt!"_ and "_Where are the onions?"_ told them he was in some kind of kitchen. His childish panting could be heard once he passed through another door.

"_It looks like we lost them, feral beasts. But we are one step closer to our goal! Quickly! The temple is just up ahe-Ooph!"_

There was a loud crashing sound and a communal wince all around the room before young Tony started speaking again.

"_Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry, mister! Are you okay? Please don't tell my dad! It was an accident, I swear!"_

"_ANTHONY!"_

Steve jerked at the sound of a voice that could only be Howard's, however distorted by anger and drink. When Tony's voice spoke again, the entire room could practically picture the terrified face that must have matched his tone.

"_D-dad! I was an accident, really! I'll clean it up, I promise!"_

"_I told you to stay out of the way! This event is key to my business deal with Winslet Corporations and I will NOT have you ruining it!"_

A sharp cry from young Tony followed by stomping footsteps told the team that Howard had roughly seized him and dragged him from whatever room they'd been in and away from prying eyes. Another, quieter cry accompanied by a thud told them Howard had shoved his son into a wall. There was a clatter as the recorder presumably hit the floor.

"_What were you THINKING? You specifically disobeyed me! I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you!"_

Tony's voice was choked with tears.

"_Dad, I'm sorry! I was playing adventurer to practice for when I get older-"_

"_We've talked about this, Anthony. You are becoming an engineer and taking over the company when you grow up! You need to stop playing these stupid games and give up on childish dreams. You'll never succeed in life if you keep just messing around!"_

"_But I don't want to run the company! I hate making weapons! I want to go cool places and find awesome treasure and start a museum to show it off in!"_

A sharp slapping sound made the entire room flinch, even though a part of them had known it was coming. Bruce was shaking where he stood, fists clenched tightly and a distinctly green shade to his skin. The two spies had closed off expressions, a stronger indicator of how upset they were than any amount of anger. Steve just looked shell-shocked, and Thor resigned.

"_Listen to me, son. You are going to grow up to be a brilliant inventor and you are going to take charge of Stark Industries when the time comes. There is no place for these silly ideals of adventure. Can't you see I am trying to prepare you for the real world? Now stop your crying. Stark men don't cry. Go to your room. I don't want to see you out again until tomorrow. A servant will bring you your dinner. Go."_

By the end of his speech, Howard just sounded exhausted. He said nothing more to his son as Tony scooped up his recorder and scrambled out of the room. The team listened in silence to the sounds of their young teammate's muffled sobs until either the recorder timed out or Tony turned it off. Steve sat on the couch with his head bowed, hands clenched in front of him.

"I…I had no idea Howard…"

He trailed off, at a loss for words, and Thor laid a heavy hand on his shoulder. The god gave it a little reassuring squeeze.

"The Man of Iron has kept such things very close to his chest. You could not have known."

"_I_ should have." Natasha stated in a tone that was almost bitter but as controlled as ever. "It was my job to figure out his secrets, but never even caught a hint of this. I knew he had problems with his father, sure, but not that they were this bad…"

"Well, don't throw your full-on pity party just yet," Clint said, reaching forward and pulling an old VHS tape from inside the box. "We're not done just yet. Something tells me there's plenty more nastiness to learn."

Bruce frowned at the tape in Clint's hand.

"Is there even a VHS player in the tower?"

Though the question hadn't been aimed at JARVIS, the AI apparently took it as such.

"Indeed, Dr. Banner. An appropriate entertainment system is set up in the office of Mr. Leven in Legal, located on the 38th floor of Stark Tower."

There was a brief moment where the entire team exchanged glances before they reached a silent consensus and headed for the elevator. Normally the team's private elevator skipped right past the levels of tower than housed Stark Industries, speeding past them faster than Steve generally liked to think about. Now, though, it slid to stop on Legal's floor and the doors slid open with a quiet chime.

The team piled out of the elevator, looking around with curiosity. As Natasha stepped to the front and headed towards the desk, the receptionist stared at them with wide eyes.

"We're looking for Mr. Leven's office."

Still at a loss for words, the young woman pointed immediately down the hall. Natasha thanked her with a smile and the group was soon off again. It didn't take them long to find the office that had 'Shawn Leven' emblazoned on the name plate. She rapped her knuckles sharply against the door's surface and a muffled 'Come in!' reached their ears.

Shawn Leven sat behind his oak desk, a middle-aged man with a pudgy waistline and friendly features. He looked up at the team with curiosity and no small amount of shock. It wasn't everyday he had a team of superheroes show up unannounced in his office. He'd never even met Mr. Stark in person. He adjusted his glasses nervously.

"Can…Can I help you?"

Steve smiled apologetically, all 1940's wholesome goodness.

"We were wondering if we could use your…VHS player?" He shot a glance at Bruce to check that he'd used the right term. "It appears to be the only one in the tower and it's, um, official Avengers business."

Mr. Leven almost fell in his hurry to stand up and open his TV cabinet for them. He'd grown up on Captain America and his daughter was a huge fan of the entire Avengers team. To think that _he_ of all people could be of help to them! He hurried to turn on the TV and player and get it set up.

"It should be good to go now. Do you have the tape you need to view?"

Natasha laid a hand on his arm, guiding him gently towards the door.

"We do. I think we can take it from here. It's just security clearance and all that, you understand."

"Y-yes, of course! I'll just, uh, go."

"Good."

She smiled sweetly before closing the door in his face and turning back to the rest of the team. Leven had a sizeable office, but they were still crowded pretty close together. Clint already had the tape in the player and was pressing play. There were a few moments of darkness before the face of an older gentleman appeared on screen. He smiled at the camera before speaking in a startlingly familiar British accent.

"_Ah, there we go." _

The camera was flipped around to look at a plain wooden door and a hand reached out to knock on it gently. The voice that answered was clearly Tony's, but younger than the one on the tape recorder.

"_Come in!"_

The man with the camera pushed the door open to reveal a room completely decked out in Captain America paraphernalia. Posters, curtains, bed sheets, toys; all Captain America themed. Steve gaped at the screen as the picture focused on a Tony Stark who couldn't have been more than six or seven years old. He was seated in a corner surrounded by machine parts, working on what appeared to be a miniature version of Cap's own shield. He had a screwdriver in one hand and his tongue sticking adorably out of his mouth in concentration. A huge grin broke out across his face when he saw the man with the camera.

"_Jarvis! Jarvis, check it out! I'm making myself a shield!"_

The man chuckled. The team hadn't even realized there _was_ a real Jarvis. It certainly explained that look in Tony's eyes from time to time when he was speaking to his AI. Clearly this Jarvis was incredibly important to him. A family friend, perhaps?

"_I can see that, young Sir. Is it like that Captain's?"_

"_Yeah! Except I had to make it better on account as I don't have super strength! Look! I ran electricity through it! Now I'll shock those bad guys when I hit them with it! Like a stun gun!"_

Steve gaped. Tony had been able to do that sort of thing when he was so young? It seemed unbelievable.

"_Aren't you a bit young to be fighting bad guys? Perhaps it would be best if you waited a few more years."_

Tony seemed to consider this, frowning with seriousness. He pouted.

"_I guess…I just wanna be like Captain Rogers…Hey, Jarvis?"_

"_Yes, Anthony?"_

"_Do you think I could grow up to be like the Captain?"_

"_Captain Rogers was a great man, Anthony. I'm sure you'll be just like him when you get older. You can be anything you want, you know."_

Tony's face lit up at the servant's encouraging words.

"_Good! I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna be just like Captain America and then maybe Dad will like me, too!"_

Steve hit the stop button on the player so hard he cracked the plastic casing. He felt a twinge of guilt for damaging someone else's property, but it couldn't overwhelm his shame at not being there for his teammate. How could Howard of done that to his own _son_? He felt sick to his stomach at the mere thought.

"It wasn't that bad, you know. And it sure as Hell wasn't your fault, Cap, so you can stop your little self-blame train before it even leaves the station."

All eyes snapped to the office door where Tony stood, door still ajar and a scowl on his face. He stepped fully into the office and closed the door behind himself. The look he gave the team was resigned and carried the weight of someone who had finally given up a fight they knew they'd been losing all along.

"Tony-"

"I decided to pull my head out of my ass and get over what happened earlier. Color me surprised when I found a box of my old things open in the living room of the community floor. Pepper, right?"

Bruce took a single step forward, hands up as if he were approaching a wild animal. His voice was as calm and soothing as ever.

"She was only trying to help, Tony. We didn't understand what was going on, but we knew something had to be wrong."

For the first time anger flashed across the genius's face. He bit out his answer through gritted teeth.

"_Don't_." He took a step away from Bruce, back almost against the door he'd just closed. "Don't act as if I'm so damn _breakable_! Nothing has changed, okay? I'm still the same person I was yesterday."

"Nothing's changed?" Clint exclaimed. "We know what happened to you now. _That's_ what's changed! We know what that bastard Howard did to you!"

Tony threw his hands up in exasperation.

"It wasn't that bad!"

"He hit you!"

"Yeah! Once! Maybe three times in total before I went off to college. I'm pretty sure you've noticed I have a way of getting under people's skin."

Natasha's glare could have melted steel.

"It's called abuse."

"It's called _stress_, Romanov, stress and alcohol and bad decisions."

Tony held up both hands to stall any further protests and took a few deep breaths in a clear attempt to calm himself.

"Look, I'm not saying it was right, or even that it was okay, but there was a lot of stuff going on that I didn't, couldn't have known at the time…Things that change the context of my childhood completely." He sighed, running a hand over his face and suddenly looking much, much older. "It was still a better childhood than anyone else in this room can claim. I understand Howard a lot better than I did before and I…I wish I could tell him that."

Thor moved for the first time, clapping a strong hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Understanding what happened and why has little sway over whether or not you are hurt by it. I have learned that lesson well with my brother, yet each of his attacks brings pain to me still."

"But I'm not _broken_." Tony nearly pleaded. "I reacted badly today, I get that, but I'm fine. You don't need to tiptoe around me or watch what you say or act like I'm made of fuckin' china or-"

"I can't stand the snow."

Tony blinked and stared at Steve when he suddenly spoke.

"Or any cold, really. Sometimes I can't even bring myself to open the freezer door, and eating ice cream is next to impossible." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, searching for the right words. "What I'm trying to say is, you're not alone. No one thinks you're broken, but that doesn't mean we don't want to help. Because we _understand_."

Tony just gaped at him, at a loss for words for the first time since Steve had met him. Natasha let out a huff of irritation before filling the silence.

"I hate being around children. The normal ones remind me of what I could have had. The others…they remind me of what I did have."

"I'm deaf."

The room at large whirled around to stare at Clint now, who shrugged nonchalantly even though he'd just given away his biggest secret. He could have quite literally counted the people who had known previously on the fingers of one hand.

"I've got implants, the best in the business, but without them I can't hear a thing. They think it has something to do with why my eyesight is so exceptional."

"My first name is Robert, which I'm sure you two already know." Bruce inclined his head toward the pair of assassins. "Robert Bruce Banner. I never use it, never answer to it. The only one who ever called me that was my father. I wouldn't even let my teachers call me that in school. As soon as I was 18, I had my name legally changed."

It went unspoken that Bruce's father had beaten him. It was no secret among the team and there was certainly no need to make him say it out loud. Thor wrapped an arm around the scientist's shoulder, now having a genius under each.

"I fear, my friends, that I am no better than my brother. Before my banishment to this realm I had attempted to wage war against Jotunheim when a handful of them trespassed upon our borders. I was a fool and I learned my lesson, but sometimes I wonder what would have befallen me if I had not been turned away from that path…and it was my brother who caused my turning…"

Tony snorted, clearly trying and failing to seem nonchalant.

"Well, aren't we just a barrel of fun? Gabbing and sharing our secrets like 12 year old girls at a slumber party. Quick, who wants to do my nails?"

His grin was shaky at best and Natasha gave him a playful smack on the arm.

"Come on. Let's head back up. We need to give this office back and all my polish is upstairs." She shot the group a wicked grin. "Clint can start on the hair braiding while I paint. Bruce, you wanna put in Legally Blonde?"

The humor worked like a charm and soon the entire team was piling out of the office and heading back upstairs. Each of them had their traumas, their issues, and none of them could really be considered fully functioning…but they had each other, too, and maybe that was all they needed.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! For anyone who is wondering, when Tony talks about the things he couldn't have known, it is a reference to The Secret Origins of Tony Stark. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it to you. I will seriously never look at Tony the same way again. (Also the art is great and the writing is BEAUTIFUL.)

As always, feedback is very much appreciated! Please let me know what you thought because it is essential in helping me improve. You don't even have to get too detailed if you don't want. I'm not overly picky.


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